My Notes from “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married”

We cannot allow ourselves to be controlled by our emotions.

What are some of the important things that a marriage should be based on?

1. Common Desires
  • Emotional stage – the couple should have an understanding of one another’s emotional desires
  • Emotional control is present within the relationship
2. Spiritual Unity and Common Goals
  • Spirituality should be similar and directed towards the same direction
  • Walking with a similar speed towards Christ
3. Common Social Interests
  • Outlook on family – number of kids, etc.
  • Culture – traditions
  • Social activities
4. Common Values
  • How does each deal with hard times?
5. Common Intellectual Level
  • Similar level of education

*The season of courtship is the time to allow for the couple to explore these five areas, which begins the foundation of the marriage.

The Five Languages:

1. Words of Affirmation: affirming your gratitude or appreciation for the other
  • The words are like rain on dry soil
2. Acts of Service: need to see the love, not hear about it
  • Little actions are what show love
  • “If you love me then you’ll show it”
3. Receiving Gifts
  • Any little gift will show him/her that you were thinking about him/her, which is what matters
  • He/she needs to know that you’re thinking about him/her
4. Quality Time
  • Require undivided attention for a period of time
  • Shared time with give and take, not about just being in the same space
5. Physical Touch
  • Often really “hot” in the beginning, but then becomes “stale”
  • Shows the person love
  • Not only sex, but a hug, a handshake – whatever is personal to the relationship

*Each person has primary and secondary languages; you may have more than one or a mixture of all. Every one of them has a place, but there is one that is the most used.

*Marriage is work; having a house and building a family takes a lot of work. There are things to take care of: cleaning, laundry, tidying up, etc. These are things to discuss and set a basis for with the person you are planning to build a marriage with.

  • Sit down and have each make a list of all the things that need to be done to run a home.
  • Bring the lists together; merge them and make two copies.
  • Initial next to the things you think you can take care of, and initial for your partner what you think he/she should take care of.
  • Compare choices and talk through the differences. Take into consideration each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

*When you first have a baby, everything he/she does is cute, even when it poops. However, after a month or two, it gets old; you can smell the poop. When someone has to take care of it, it becomes a burden.

*Remember you must speak to the other in a language that he/she will understand, not only what you understand.

*An important thing to remember and emphasize is communication; you are not able to read each other’s minds, so speak out to each other.

*Marriage can be the worst thing in the world, but with preparation and blessing, it can be the most beautiful experience.

http://copticchurch.org/wp-content/uploads/group-documents/21/1311871218-TheTruth-ThingsIWishIdKnownBeforeWeGotMarriedPart1.pdf

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