We cannot allow ourselves to be controlled by our emotions.
What are some of the important things that a marriage should be based on?
1. Common Desires
- Emotional stage – the couple should have an understanding of one another’s emotional desires
- Emotional control is present within the relationship
2. Spiritual Unity and Common Goals
- Spirituality should be similar and directed towards the same direction
- Walking with a similar speed towards Christ
3. Common Social Interests
- Outlook on family – number of kids, etc.
- Culture – traditions
- Social activities
4. Common Values
- How does each deal with hard times?
5. Common Intellectual Level
- Similar level of education
*The season of courtship is the time to allow for the couple to explore these five areas, which begins the foundation of the marriage.
The Five Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation: affirming your gratitude or appreciation for the other
- The words are like rain on dry soil
2. Acts of Service: need to see the love, not hear about it
- Little actions are what show love
- “If you love me then you’ll show it”
3. Receiving Gifts
- Any little gift will show him/her that you were thinking about him/her, which is what matters
- He/she needs to know that you’re thinking about him/her
4. Quality Time
- Require undivided attention for a period of time
- Shared time with give and take, not about just being in the same space
5. Physical Touch
- Often really “hot” in the beginning, but then becomes “stale”
- Shows the person love
- Not only sex, but a hug, a handshake – whatever is personal to the relationship
*Each person has primary and secondary languages; you may have more than one or a mixture of all. Every one of them has a place, but there is one that is the most used.
*Marriage is work; having a house and building a family takes a lot of work. There are things to take care of: cleaning, laundry, tidying up, etc. These are things to discuss and set a basis for with the person you are planning to build a marriage with.
- Sit down and have each make a list of all the things that need to be done to run a home.
- Bring the lists together; merge them and make two copies.
- Initial next to the things you think you can take care of, and initial for your partner what you think he/she should take care of.
- Compare choices and talk through the differences. Take into consideration each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
*When you first have a baby, everything he/she does is cute, even when it poops. However, after a month or two, it gets old; you can smell the poop. When someone has to take care of it, it becomes a burden.
*Remember you must speak to the other in a language that he/she will understand, not only what you understand.
*An important thing to remember and emphasize is communication; you are not able to read each other’s minds, so speak out to each other.
*Marriage can be the worst thing in the world, but with preparation and blessing, it can be the most beautiful experience.